Footloose and fancy free . . .

This week has been a tough one for me. On Monday on the way to the train I fell, and I knew it was bad when I realized I was going to need help to get up. Instead of going to lab that morning I spent it in the ER. I remember sitting on the ice thinking, “is this the moment that takes me out of the GEP program.” What I was excited about was that thought was but a 30second flash through my mind, and I tossed it out as an option. I had just been feeling like this was all beginning to really feel manageable.

Kind strangers trudging through the ice to the Loyola El practically carried me into a bookstore (after having banged on the door begging them to let us in before opening hours) to wait for my husband. Then I sat on a chair, with my foot elevated just sat watching my foot expand. Thinking, I am a student nurse and yet I am completely stumped by what I should do (I did have it elevated and I did ask for some ice, but it’s the “extras” I felt I should know).

I have to admit it was kind of exciting to be in the hospital after having learned even the smallest amount I have about nursing – feeling that much closer to being on the “inside”. Of course I was catching all the discrepancies about practice versus evidence-based practice that we have been learning; and it was a busy morning there with all sorts of patients with similar complaints like mine. I was hoping for the "you win free healthcare today for being the 100th person to fall on the ice" award.

The other thing to come of this experience has been my support network emerging from the woodwork. I had friends bringing my family dinner, a friend who drove me to school everyday, people who came to watch my kids, tidy my house, and pitching in to make my daughter’s birthday party still happen this weekend. It was through this unfortunate series of events that I became aware of just how I am getting through this program in the first place, all of these people who believe in me and are there in the background ready to come around me in the moment I need them.

It has been so real for me how much of a person’s life is spun out of control when things like this happen, not to even compare a simple sprain that has laid me up for a while to anything chronic. I have been amazed at how many other tiny things in my life began to unravel from the simple injury. The perpetuating impacts of small inconvenient hiccups that life sends ones way, that can have larger repercussions. I am so grateful for the amazing support of family, friends and other students, but it makes me consider even more how many go through these things without those support networks and how quickly various parts of life would fall apart.

It has been a very difficult week and staying positive, motivated and upbeat has been a struggle, but I thankfully made a decision moments after that fall that I would fight inconvenience the whole way down, and that I would be on top. And although I am somewhat fatigued and battle torn I feel that I have done just that. Now if a three-year-old birthday party doesn’t do me in I will be ready to sail into next week better than ever!

Happy Birthday Cayden

In honor of Cayden's birthday I decided to post his birth story which we read every year on his birthday. It was written by our wonderful friend and doula . . . who was with us most of the 40hours of his birth.

Dear Cayden,

It was almost 8:30 a.m. February 5th when your mom called me to tell me that she thought she might be in labor. She had been having contractions since 7:00 a.m. but felt like she was doing fine by herself. When we talked again at around noon, your dad had come home from work and the contractions were now about 6 minutes apart. I headed over to your home where I met your parents at about 2:15p.m. They were both very excited that the time to met you had finally come.

Soon after I arrived we went for walk in the cold outdoors and got some coffee. When your mom would have a contraction, we would all stop until it passed. Sometimes your mom would lean on your dad a little. When we got back to your house your mom had a bite to eat, we closed the shades, turned on some nice music, and got out the aromatherapy. You mom really liked being on her knees lying over the birth ball. She tried lying on the couch while your dad gently stroked her legs and I talked her through some deep relaxation. Around dinnertime, they called the midwife who said to continue laboring at home.

Labor continued with steady contractions every 4 or 5minutes all minutes all night. Your mom tried all sorts of positions to keep labor moving – she sat on the birth ball while leaning on your dad, walked around the apartment, kneeling doing the pelvic rock, sitting in the rocking chair, doing hip swings, lying on the bed and even talking two relaxing baths. You dad stayed right by your mom’s side, holding her hand and your mom would close her eyes and breathe deeply, making a “Shhhhh” noise with each breath out. It was her birthing ritual that she kept up for the entire labor.

Finally, at 2:45 a.m. your mom’s water broke and we all headed out to the hospital. The midwife, Kathy, arrived and checked your mom, only to find that she was only 1 cm dilated. The news was very discouraging for your parents after all the hard work that they had done. Your mom shed a few tears and Kathy gave her a pep talk to keep going. Despite her discouragement, your mom found strength and kept going like a champion. For the next 12 hours your mom, dad, and I tried everything possible to move labor along. Your mom walked the halls, sat on the birth ball, relaxed in bed, did hip swing, while your dad held her, praised her and all the while she kept her breathing ritual strong and steady.

Finally, at about 2:15 p.m., February 6th, Kathy checked your mom again, only to find that she was still at 1cm. This news was devastating to your mom and dad. Your mom had been laboring for so long, with such strength and courage and at this point, it was hard to believe that you would ever come. Kathy, your mom, and dad, decided that it was time to start Pitocin and some Stadol so that you mom could get some rest. After all that work and no sleep, she was really exhausted. The Stadol allowed your mom to rest for about 45 minutes. When it began to wear off the pain got pretty intense for you mom. The Pitocin was making the contractions come one on top of the other and your mom did a fantastic job maintaining control through a very challenging time. At 4:30 p.m. she decided she wanted an epidural, which, once she got it, began to take effect close to 5:00p.m.

At this point, your mom had been in hard labor for about 36 hours. She had been working hard and was so tired. Your dad was exhausted too. He had stayed up with your mom by her side the entire time. I was touched to see how he entered into the labor with your mom, feeling her pain with her. You could see how much he loved her as he spoke sweetly to her, touched her tenderly, and cried with her. With the epidural, your mom (and your dad) got some relief, but that only lasted for about 2 hours.

Before 7:00 p.m. the epidural was already starting to wear off. The contractions were very close and very strong. Your mom was amazing. She continued her breathing while your dad and I stood on either side of her, each holding a hand. Although it was hard, she continued to stay focused as we took turns talking to her through each contraction. The nurses were rushing around trying to fix the epidural, but nothing they did worked. Time seemed to go by slowly, but by 8:15 p.m. your mom was starting to grunt with the contractions.

When Kathy checked her at 8:30 p.m. she said that your mom was only at 5-6 cm and so should not push, but blow out or pant instead. Your dad was behind her rubbing her back, and I stood in front of her helping her blow out with the contractions. This worked for about 10 minutes until she stared to really want to push. For another 15 minutes your mom did a combination of grunting and blowing, fighting the pushing that her body wanted so desperately to do. The nurses came in and out as your mom struggled. Even the anesthesiologist came in and took your moms hand. When your mom told him that she wanted to push, he got a scared look on his face and left the room. It was pretty comical.

By 8:55 p.m. a nurse finally got Kathy. Kathy didn’t think that your mom needed to be checked again since it had only been 25 minutes since she was only 5cm. However, when Kathy lifted up the sheet she saw a bit of your head and said what your mom had been feeling all along – that it was time to push!

At this point, everyone got a burst of energy as the end was finally in sight. Your dad put on an Enya CD to set a beautiful mood for your birth. During the pushing stage your mom seemed to know exactly what to do. She breathed and bore down with such incredible strength. Your dad was encouraging her while holding one of her legs. Within minutes your head began to emerge. Your mom gently reached down and felt your head. After all the many hours of hard work, you were almost here. And then, at 9:17 p.m., the moment your parents had waited for finally arrived – HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAYDEN.

Cayden that moment was one of the most beautiful that I have ever witnessed. I think it was made so much sweeter because of all that your mom and dad had gone through to make it to that time. Your mom was amazing! She labored for so long, dealing with several challenges with such strength, endurance, and courage. She defined the beauty of what being a woman is all about. You are so lucky to have such a fantastic mother!! And your dad was such an amazing support to her through the whole labor. He said such loving and encouraging things to her, gave her reassuring and calming touches, and emotionally went each step of the labor with her. He was so sweet to watch. You are also lucky to have such a caring father!!

I feel so privileged to have been a part of such a special time.

Your mommy’s doula (and friend)
Katharine Broberg

Snowdays . . .

Having grown up in South Africa I did not get to participate in the proverbial American tradition of the "snowday". So you can imagine my enthusiasm yesterday during practice lab when our instructor told us class was already canceled for today since they were predicting horrible white out conditions. Well, only about now at 1pm has the snow really started to come down, but it so happened to fall on my son's birthday. Which is really special since I have been sad to have to miss important days like this -- or rather trying to be everything to everyone on those days. So this way, both he and I got to stay home and Paul has ended up working from home. So it's been a lazy day of Starbucks, talking about his birth, singing Happy Birthday with a candle filled cupcake, visits from friends, and phone calls from all our loved ones.

Today is really the day, that marks where most of my passion for birth came from. It's the day I became a mother. The day I realized that I could never be enough for this tiny baby, and the day I felt completely empowered as a woman recognizing my design to do something this miraculous -- in a spiritual, physical and emotional way. Well for those of you who know the story. It would have been about now that after 30hours of labor and my water having broken at 2 in the morning I was being told that I would have to be put on Pitocin, but it did speed things up . . . and make them 30x more painful . . . but it did end in his birth at 9:20pm.

Being at a friend's Blessing Way, a ceremony of Navajo tradition that we've modified that celebrates the various landmark moments as a woman journeys through life (the read more on blessing ways http://www.mother-care.ca/blessing.htm ). This special time with women celebrating a new birth reminded me of the blessing of being a woman. The opportunities we have to celebrate our creation and our design and our uniqueness together. It was such a special time of being together and celebrating our friend's third home birth and her strength and influence in the world.