A tiny tidbit

I realized that I often share this website with people when they are discussing their "women's issues" with me and I had never really put this up on this blog. It is a great, free website where you can track your cycle, fertility and many other womanly biological processes. I have been using it for over two years and track things every month and it begins to be a very accurate tool in helping for many causes: period tracking (you can even get an email reminder that it's coming); fertility for the purposes of conception or for the purposes of avoiding conception. Anyway, I know I have told many of you about this site, but just in case:

http://www.mymonthlycycles.com/

Reaching a Milestone

So this week marks another milestone on my journey to becoming a midwife. I will head into a Labor and Delivery unit this week on the West side of Chicago. Although this is the regular L&D stint that every nursing student does, I will be extending my stay into what they call "leadership semester" in the Spring. So pretty much from here on out it's mom's and babies for me. I have this weird sense of fear about what the next months hold. I am very aware that I will be working in conditions less than my ideal, that I will need to abide by many protocols and procedures that I just don't agree with. But this is just one of those times of sucking it up with the distant hope of being a solution and an influencer to many of the issues facing birth in America.
My last months have been full of pediatric rotation, which incidentally I did love and enjoyed working with kids and their families. Then I moved on to the psych ward in which I met many lovely people, however was depressed by the prison feeling. We were on a locked unit which means that we had to keep asking other employees for a key just to go to the bathroom, a little crazy! But there were some fun and intense moments . . . but I am pretty sure I am not swayed by mental health nursing.
So on I go, five more weeks in L&D and doulaing for some friends at a homebirth. Then a nice five week vacation over the holidays and back for my final RN semester in the Spring. It is really unreal how fast this time has gone.

Back to the Grind

Okay, it is time for an update . . . so here goes. The summer semester finally ended and instead of taking my needed time off I travels to all corners of the United States. Directly after my last exam we headed out on an all night road trip across the upper US to Boston while my sister was in labor to get there in time for the birth of my first nephew. I was not actually at the birth and there was a lot of mayhem which included much pain for Marcie and a nice three day vacation for the baby in the NICU. Alas, we visited with family and enjoyed ourselves. From their we headed back to Chicago for five days before heading to AZ to visit Paul’s family. We enjoyed our five days in the desert, where we in turn left our children for another five days while we explored the Northwest in beautiful Seattle. During our time there we gathered with many old and new friends at a gathering surrounding ideas of missional living and community. Then we headed back to Chicago with three days to prepare for school to begin for a first time preschooler, kindergarten and a return nursing student. Those days were full of school supplies and doctors visits. And then we plunged right in to the next phase of GEP (Graduate Entry Program).

I have been much more excited about his semester, because it holds within it the true beginning on my journey to midwifery. I am in a Maternal and Child Health class which is all about women and childbirth and pediatrics. So this was a welcome relief for me from “med-surg” . . . the bastion of nursing, or some might consider themselves the “real nursese’. So alas I am making my decent after just completing a 5 week rotation at a Chicldren’s Hospital, I will now take on the mentally ill on a Mental Health Ward for the next five weeks and then I will head into Labor and Delivery and maternity units. So that is the blueprint of my semester, of which I am ¾ of the way done and excited about that.

This semester has brought with it much more doable pace of life. We have needed it. The kids have ended up loving Catholic school and consider it a bad day when they are not left in aftercare. I have already been called a “mean mommy” for not leaving them there until it is dark. I am very fortunate to have such social and people-loving children who value these kinds of experiences or I might be inclined to feel a little guilty.

Alas, I am looking forward to the next weeks and then one final nursing semester. Hopefully within a couple of weeks I will begin to have many more birthing stories and fun midwifery kinds of facts for us to discuss.

Where for art thou summer?

. . . This is where I have spent most of it: Holed up in my office studying and doing assignments when I wasn't visiting various nursing experiences for my Community Health Rotation. (After taking pictures of the kids, Paul felt it appropriate to continue to document my nursing experience) I enjoyed it, but the semester has been twice as hard as I anticipated and it is so hard to stay focused when everyone else appears to be at play.
Some of my favourite experiences in community health were being able to spend two solid days with midwives at a public health department. It was great to actually experience what my days will be full of eventually and to actually feel like I am in fact developing usable knowledge on my journey to midwifery.
I was also fascinated to find out that I love the end of life as much as I love the beginning. I had several inpatient and home hospice experiences. I love the sacredness of death and the ability to help people to move on in grace and peace. It was also amazing meeting families that were helping their elderly stay at home while they were passing, what a great opportunity to give them their grace and dignity and normalize the second experience, besides birth that we are all privy to.
We also visited a variety of social service settings, my personal favourite (to many of you who know my passion about community and communal living will not be surprised) was a communal living faith community JPUSA. It is a 250 person commune. One of their expressions is to house about 35 older adults that need assistance. They provide their meals and some health services to them, as well as providing a community of which they are valued members.
I am now back in the hospital medical-surgical floor and I show up there three mornings a week at 6:30am-2pm. I ride the train down with one of my classmates. We are at Cook County Hospital (you know where ER is set). It serves the poorest of Chicago. It can be a pretty depressing place, but it has also been a place where I know even our newfound nursing passion is appreciated amidst the constant buzz of a floundering hospital.
Some of you have asked me to outline my days more. So to sum up my summer, I have spent Mondays in a classroom from 8:30am-4pm. Then Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays I have been in the hospital. And then evenings and weekends are studying and catching up with the family. It has been an amazing summer having my younger sister Lorie here to be with my kids while I pursue this. She has blessed and honored me in many ways going the extra mile to help out around here and making this part of the journey that much more bearable.
I have three more weeks, until I get my first long break (a whole month). Each day I feel a little more like a nurse. People have begun to ask me my opinions about all sorts of stuff . . . I still don't feel like I know much, but I am always eager to try and to serve with my newfound skills and knowledge in whatever way possible.

So this is what I wish I could have been doing more of this summer . . . but at least I have made some occasionally sweet family memories in the middle of all of this.

Celebrating the Big 10

On May 30th at 11:30am Paul and I celebrated our 10 years of marriage together, by traveling to Western PA so I could sing at a friend's wedding. Nothing like a new marriage to celebrate 10 years. My friend Kate's mother was so sweet and they celebrated us at the rehearsal dinner. It was so sweet. It was a fun weekend in the county. We got to experience one of Frank Lloyd Wrights masterpieces -- Fallingwaters. And we stayed in a lovely B&B.

Interesting Article

This was an interesting article I came across today about a woman being turned down for insurance for having a previous Cesarean and the insurance company siting this puts her in a higher risk catagory for various health related issues going forward. More and more it is apparent that we are headed back for more natural birth processes as we figure out that these interventions are costing us lots of money, and obviously are major surgery that have re- precautions for other health issues going forward.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/01/health/01insure.html?_r=1&ref=health&oref=slogin

Exciting Moments on the Road

I know I have been lying dormant forever, maybe I am really not a blogger . . . but of course that is what happens when you have a "theme" for your blog and yet you are not always participating in that theme . . . but this week I am happy to report that my soul has been awakened by: talk of contraceptives -- educating and inserting them! Seeing many a cervix, measuring pregnant bellies and becoming an expert measurer of fundal height (all you pregnant friends watch out whenever I get a measuring tape in my hands) and watching the mothers eyes light up when my newbie hands chase a 6monther around with the doppler. Of course the light may have light up since I seemed to be having such trouble finding their poor babies heartbeats, but of the power of holding the doppler. I have also learned some important facts . . . such as I will definitely have to learn Spanish (and quite possibly birthing and women's health lingo in several other languages as well).
I will actually have to relearn my cell biology, since I actually looked at a specimen under the microscope today to determine what was causing a woman's issues . . . I had no idea those skills would be used as a midwife!
But mostly, I am happy to report I am just as excited about all of these things. And this was mostly a surprise gift. I am currently in a community health rotation, which basically means we get a variety of experiences out in the field and out of the hospital. So I was placed at the Uptown Health Clinic, which is run by the public health department. It services many of the low income populations in that area of town. And they have two midwifery groups that send one midwife a day to staff their women's health clinic. It was such a privilage to be taught and endured by these wonderful women and to watch as they serve, teach and nurse those around them. It was a wonderful two days and I am sure it will have to last me for a while. But again I am excited by every moment I get to remind me of where I am headed.

Revived

It is hard to reflect on birthing into my midwifery career, whilst in the middle of not really being around birth at all these days. But I did survive my first semester of Nursing School and I have had the last week and a half off. Tomorrow marks the return to the next phase . . . summer semester. We have heard that each one becomes increasingly easier. So I hope this is the case, however it seems like it would be hard to believe since the weather has taken a long time to finally get good and I will spend most of the summer in the confines of a hospital.

We are also in the throws of our decision to move to the suburbs for this next phase of life, and caught up in buying and selling homes. So far we have a contingency offer on a semi-fixer house, and are waiting for our condo to sell. So for right now I am birthing things other than babies and birthing new life in our little transition. And potentially for the second time taking on the birthing of a house . . . another favorite kind of birthing.

Caught Up In The Last Days

Yes, I am aware that many of you check in here to see how I am doing and right now I am hanging on by a thread. I am a week and half away from being finished with the first semester of this journey. I mostly can't believe I have made it. This week I had a great clinical week. I took care of a 31 year old woman that had a stroke hours after she found out she was pregnant with her second child. Very sad! However, she is doing "relatively" well and they were working on getting her to a place where she can go to rehab. She really responded to me and that was exciting. Her mother who was there the majority of the time, told me she thought I wast he "real deal" not a student nurse. That was a good feeling, knowing I can pull off the whole gig confidently enough, and the truth is that I am getting more competent and confident in doing all the things nurses do.

So although I am learning a lot I am looking forward to getting through this summer and getting on to the baby's and moms that I am looking forward to working with. It will come and I am settling into the fact that this is a long journey ahead of me and I am trying to figure out a way to enjoy the journey and not be so focused on the end results. Because I have this feeling it's going to be a while before I arrive!

The Downside of Caring

Moment after moment this week, I felt myself assuming the identity of a nurse. Two early morning train rides before the bustle of the morning commute. It is a completely different world filled with other types of shift workers riding alongside me, often dressed very specifically for their jobs. Wearing my scrubs, filling all those big pockets with the gear for the day. And experiencing my day unfolding as I watch people move through the agony of their various diseases and complications – sharing a few of those moments with them, but fully aware that I am a champion and supporter, but really they must continue to do the hard work of living. I am merely a quiet observer as they live out this life they live.
I have felt this feeling of hopelessness often as a parent . . . knowing that I cannot and will not always be present when the teasing on the playground is occurring, when feelings are hurt, when they have climbed to far and they are just out of reach as they fall. It is this same feeling that I felt often at the hospital. People can only live for themselves. I can augment it, I can be there when I can, and I can try to make them comfortable, and I can use my knowledge to help solve problems. But the limiting reality is that I cannot be them! I am one of those people who has muttered the words, “why couldn’t this be me? I could handle this. I could make it through.” I guess this is what makes me a fighter. The will to get through whatever faces me, however I don’t recommend it for others, so much so I would rather take their place. Why? Because it is hard. Although my gut reaction is to want to take everything over, I must remember that really the journey through many of the trials are often the richest experiences of life. This week I was faced with the reality of having to let my patients, who I am caring for, live in the middle of what they have going on. Not to deny them this journey through illness. I have a role, in my new identity, that has the ability (should I choose to use it) to honor them by helping, relieving, comforting them through the journey. In a medical environment, where fixing things is often the desired outcome, I must remember the power of the journey. As a nurse I have a special ability to be with people along the journey, walking through the struggles and the successes, through the brokenness and the healing.
My struggle this week has been finding the balance of caring and alleviating problems with helping honor the role that sickness has in life and the natural progression of age and the slow decline of our bodies (and fast decline in the case of some of our patients). How do I honor these processes without submitting to their grim power?

The Daily Uniform

So for a South African girl who grew up wearing a uniform to school it is actually quite refreshing to wake up and know right away what one is going to wear. And truth be told since I have to put this on at 5am to make the train it's great to cut down on early morning decision making. And scrubs really are comfortable and I can understand why people wear them all the time and advocate for them to become real clothes. Of course, the white leather shoes on the other hand . . . those could go as far as I am concerned . . . but my dear friend Joyce has promised she will make sure that I never feel it is "ok" to wear them anywhere else besides the hospital!

Keeping an eye on the goal

This week to keep my eye on the goal of becoming a midwife in the middle of starting clinicals and hubby being away for work all week I have been reading an amazing book. The Baby Catcher . . . mostly I can't believe that I had never read this book before. A dear friend Jenn gave it to me for my birthday. It is the story of Peggy Vincent, here's the back cover blurb:

"She never tired of the miracle. Each time she knelt to "catch" another baby, beloved California mid-wife Peggy Vincent paid homage to the moment when pain bows to joy, one person becomes two, woman turns to goddess, and the world moves aside to make room for one more soul. Trained as a nurse at Duke University in the early 1960s, Vincent begins working in the delivery room of a local hospital in the San Francisco Bay area. Even after establishing an alternative birth center at the hospital, however, she is still frustrated with her lack of autonomy. Too often she witnesses births changing from normal to high risk because of routine obstetrical interventions. Vincent then devotes herself to creating unique birth experiences for her clients and their families. She becomes a licensed midwife, opens her own practice, and delivers nearly three thousand babies during her remarkable career. With every birth comes an unforgettable story. Each time Vincent "catches" a wet and wriggling baby, she encounters another memorable woman busy negotiating her unique path through the labyrinth of childbirth. Meet Catherine as she rides out her labor in a car careening down a mountain road, her husband clueless at the wheel. Megan delivers on a leaky sailboat during the storm of the decade. Susannah gives birth so quietly and effortlessly, neither husband nor midwife notice much of anything until they see a baby lying on the bed, and Sofia spends her labor trying to keep her hyper doctor-father from burning down the house. More than just a collection of birth stories, Baby Catcher is a provocative, moving, and highly personal account of the ongoing difficulties midwives face in the United States. With vivid portraits of courage, perseverance, and love, this is a passionate call to rethink today's technological hospital births in favor of a more individualized and profound experience in which mothers and fathers take the stage in the timeless drama of birth and renewal."


It has been extremely refreshing to get excited about the future babycatching that I will be a part of. I highly recommend picking up this book and being inspired !

“This is really happening!” is what I thought to myself in an epiphany as I sat through 4 hours of “Powerchart” training on Tuesday (charting software in the hospital). It was just one of those moments when the reality of all the skills and labs that have begun to be furniture in my confined live quarters of the last two months, begin to take shape in a much larger context. I don’t know what it was about that moment, learning to enter data that one day soon I will be collecting and entering into Powerchart, that brought about the clarity. It may have been the actually being in the hospital, actually having a clue about what the various not long ago foreign words and acronyms meant. But there is was the reality that I actually am going to be a nurse.

Then it happened today again at “Research Day” . . . which in many ways I scorn, because I am a feeler, not a knower . . . I think most of life is on a need to know basis (a google expert!). I am most interested in learning things that pertain to what is meaningful and important to me in the here and now. So I was kind of dreading listening to a whole bunch of academic theories being spread around, but today I did get a glimpse into why the theory of nursing might be a little bit different and more appealing to me . . .because evidence based practice is just that . . . the theories actually have a shot at becoming practice. So despite myself, I must admit sitting in that room full of nursing students and faculty I felt a little bit of pride for my new profession. Internally there was an acknowledgement that although I do not believe I fit fully yet and I feel very infantile, that one day I will share the deep heritage and history and unwritten rules of these people and that really they do not appear to be too bad.

Another positive note this week was the physical assessment test, I aced it and I felt so proud and was really affirmed by the testing instructor. I don’t know if it’s merely the fact that this experience starves us of affirmation, but it felt so good to be celebrated for a job well done. I was told that I was going to be a good nurse (something admittedly I believe about myself, but it’s hard to keep believing as I am surviving GEP). It was encouraging to hear: “if you kept on doing just what you had done and that through doing it you would learn many things that would make you an even better nurse”.

Overall, this week has been a mile marker for me. It closes off eight intense weeks of steep learning curves and feeling completely inadequate, never-mind physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. I am walking away with a slightly clearer identity as a nurse and a little bit of a thrill to walk into the hospital next week and meet my next terrifying experience head on with the hopes that I will indeed make a great nurse and a great future midwife.

Footloose and fancy free . . .

This week has been a tough one for me. On Monday on the way to the train I fell, and I knew it was bad when I realized I was going to need help to get up. Instead of going to lab that morning I spent it in the ER. I remember sitting on the ice thinking, “is this the moment that takes me out of the GEP program.” What I was excited about was that thought was but a 30second flash through my mind, and I tossed it out as an option. I had just been feeling like this was all beginning to really feel manageable.

Kind strangers trudging through the ice to the Loyola El practically carried me into a bookstore (after having banged on the door begging them to let us in before opening hours) to wait for my husband. Then I sat on a chair, with my foot elevated just sat watching my foot expand. Thinking, I am a student nurse and yet I am completely stumped by what I should do (I did have it elevated and I did ask for some ice, but it’s the “extras” I felt I should know).

I have to admit it was kind of exciting to be in the hospital after having learned even the smallest amount I have about nursing – feeling that much closer to being on the “inside”. Of course I was catching all the discrepancies about practice versus evidence-based practice that we have been learning; and it was a busy morning there with all sorts of patients with similar complaints like mine. I was hoping for the "you win free healthcare today for being the 100th person to fall on the ice" award.

The other thing to come of this experience has been my support network emerging from the woodwork. I had friends bringing my family dinner, a friend who drove me to school everyday, people who came to watch my kids, tidy my house, and pitching in to make my daughter’s birthday party still happen this weekend. It was through this unfortunate series of events that I became aware of just how I am getting through this program in the first place, all of these people who believe in me and are there in the background ready to come around me in the moment I need them.

It has been so real for me how much of a person’s life is spun out of control when things like this happen, not to even compare a simple sprain that has laid me up for a while to anything chronic. I have been amazed at how many other tiny things in my life began to unravel from the simple injury. The perpetuating impacts of small inconvenient hiccups that life sends ones way, that can have larger repercussions. I am so grateful for the amazing support of family, friends and other students, but it makes me consider even more how many go through these things without those support networks and how quickly various parts of life would fall apart.

It has been a very difficult week and staying positive, motivated and upbeat has been a struggle, but I thankfully made a decision moments after that fall that I would fight inconvenience the whole way down, and that I would be on top. And although I am somewhat fatigued and battle torn I feel that I have done just that. Now if a three-year-old birthday party doesn’t do me in I will be ready to sail into next week better than ever!

Happy Birthday Cayden

In honor of Cayden's birthday I decided to post his birth story which we read every year on his birthday. It was written by our wonderful friend and doula . . . who was with us most of the 40hours of his birth.

Dear Cayden,

It was almost 8:30 a.m. February 5th when your mom called me to tell me that she thought she might be in labor. She had been having contractions since 7:00 a.m. but felt like she was doing fine by herself. When we talked again at around noon, your dad had come home from work and the contractions were now about 6 minutes apart. I headed over to your home where I met your parents at about 2:15p.m. They were both very excited that the time to met you had finally come.

Soon after I arrived we went for walk in the cold outdoors and got some coffee. When your mom would have a contraction, we would all stop until it passed. Sometimes your mom would lean on your dad a little. When we got back to your house your mom had a bite to eat, we closed the shades, turned on some nice music, and got out the aromatherapy. You mom really liked being on her knees lying over the birth ball. She tried lying on the couch while your dad gently stroked her legs and I talked her through some deep relaxation. Around dinnertime, they called the midwife who said to continue laboring at home.

Labor continued with steady contractions every 4 or 5minutes all minutes all night. Your mom tried all sorts of positions to keep labor moving – she sat on the birth ball while leaning on your dad, walked around the apartment, kneeling doing the pelvic rock, sitting in the rocking chair, doing hip swings, lying on the bed and even talking two relaxing baths. You dad stayed right by your mom’s side, holding her hand and your mom would close her eyes and breathe deeply, making a “Shhhhh” noise with each breath out. It was her birthing ritual that she kept up for the entire labor.

Finally, at 2:45 a.m. your mom’s water broke and we all headed out to the hospital. The midwife, Kathy, arrived and checked your mom, only to find that she was only 1 cm dilated. The news was very discouraging for your parents after all the hard work that they had done. Your mom shed a few tears and Kathy gave her a pep talk to keep going. Despite her discouragement, your mom found strength and kept going like a champion. For the next 12 hours your mom, dad, and I tried everything possible to move labor along. Your mom walked the halls, sat on the birth ball, relaxed in bed, did hip swing, while your dad held her, praised her and all the while she kept her breathing ritual strong and steady.

Finally, at about 2:15 p.m., February 6th, Kathy checked your mom again, only to find that she was still at 1cm. This news was devastating to your mom and dad. Your mom had been laboring for so long, with such strength and courage and at this point, it was hard to believe that you would ever come. Kathy, your mom, and dad, decided that it was time to start Pitocin and some Stadol so that you mom could get some rest. After all that work and no sleep, she was really exhausted. The Stadol allowed your mom to rest for about 45 minutes. When it began to wear off the pain got pretty intense for you mom. The Pitocin was making the contractions come one on top of the other and your mom did a fantastic job maintaining control through a very challenging time. At 4:30 p.m. she decided she wanted an epidural, which, once she got it, began to take effect close to 5:00p.m.

At this point, your mom had been in hard labor for about 36 hours. She had been working hard and was so tired. Your dad was exhausted too. He had stayed up with your mom by her side the entire time. I was touched to see how he entered into the labor with your mom, feeling her pain with her. You could see how much he loved her as he spoke sweetly to her, touched her tenderly, and cried with her. With the epidural, your mom (and your dad) got some relief, but that only lasted for about 2 hours.

Before 7:00 p.m. the epidural was already starting to wear off. The contractions were very close and very strong. Your mom was amazing. She continued her breathing while your dad and I stood on either side of her, each holding a hand. Although it was hard, she continued to stay focused as we took turns talking to her through each contraction. The nurses were rushing around trying to fix the epidural, but nothing they did worked. Time seemed to go by slowly, but by 8:15 p.m. your mom was starting to grunt with the contractions.

When Kathy checked her at 8:30 p.m. she said that your mom was only at 5-6 cm and so should not push, but blow out or pant instead. Your dad was behind her rubbing her back, and I stood in front of her helping her blow out with the contractions. This worked for about 10 minutes until she stared to really want to push. For another 15 minutes your mom did a combination of grunting and blowing, fighting the pushing that her body wanted so desperately to do. The nurses came in and out as your mom struggled. Even the anesthesiologist came in and took your moms hand. When your mom told him that she wanted to push, he got a scared look on his face and left the room. It was pretty comical.

By 8:55 p.m. a nurse finally got Kathy. Kathy didn’t think that your mom needed to be checked again since it had only been 25 minutes since she was only 5cm. However, when Kathy lifted up the sheet she saw a bit of your head and said what your mom had been feeling all along – that it was time to push!

At this point, everyone got a burst of energy as the end was finally in sight. Your dad put on an Enya CD to set a beautiful mood for your birth. During the pushing stage your mom seemed to know exactly what to do. She breathed and bore down with such incredible strength. Your dad was encouraging her while holding one of her legs. Within minutes your head began to emerge. Your mom gently reached down and felt your head. After all the many hours of hard work, you were almost here. And then, at 9:17 p.m., the moment your parents had waited for finally arrived – HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAYDEN.

Cayden that moment was one of the most beautiful that I have ever witnessed. I think it was made so much sweeter because of all that your mom and dad had gone through to make it to that time. Your mom was amazing! She labored for so long, dealing with several challenges with such strength, endurance, and courage. She defined the beauty of what being a woman is all about. You are so lucky to have such a fantastic mother!! And your dad was such an amazing support to her through the whole labor. He said such loving and encouraging things to her, gave her reassuring and calming touches, and emotionally went each step of the labor with her. He was so sweet to watch. You are also lucky to have such a caring father!!

I feel so privileged to have been a part of such a special time.

Your mommy’s doula (and friend)
Katharine Broberg

Snowdays . . .

Having grown up in South Africa I did not get to participate in the proverbial American tradition of the "snowday". So you can imagine my enthusiasm yesterday during practice lab when our instructor told us class was already canceled for today since they were predicting horrible white out conditions. Well, only about now at 1pm has the snow really started to come down, but it so happened to fall on my son's birthday. Which is really special since I have been sad to have to miss important days like this -- or rather trying to be everything to everyone on those days. So this way, both he and I got to stay home and Paul has ended up working from home. So it's been a lazy day of Starbucks, talking about his birth, singing Happy Birthday with a candle filled cupcake, visits from friends, and phone calls from all our loved ones.

Today is really the day, that marks where most of my passion for birth came from. It's the day I became a mother. The day I realized that I could never be enough for this tiny baby, and the day I felt completely empowered as a woman recognizing my design to do something this miraculous -- in a spiritual, physical and emotional way. Well for those of you who know the story. It would have been about now that after 30hours of labor and my water having broken at 2 in the morning I was being told that I would have to be put on Pitocin, but it did speed things up . . . and make them 30x more painful . . . but it did end in his birth at 9:20pm.

Being at a friend's Blessing Way, a ceremony of Navajo tradition that we've modified that celebrates the various landmark moments as a woman journeys through life (the read more on blessing ways http://www.mother-care.ca/blessing.htm ). This special time with women celebrating a new birth reminded me of the blessing of being a woman. The opportunities we have to celebrate our creation and our design and our uniqueness together. It was such a special time of being together and celebrating our friend's third home birth and her strength and influence in the world.

Oh . . . the things I dread

So to give you a little bit of insight into my weekly schedule. The week starts out on Saturday and Sunday preparing by reading up on all the procedures and skills we will be learning in Monday lab. Then we take a pre-lab skills quiz online on Sunday nights. The weekend is filled with reading on stuff I just can't believe that I will be doing. The on Monday we are taught the skills, Tuesday we practice, and on Wednesday we are tested on them.

I have already mastered personal hand hygiene, bedpans, baths, ambulating people (moving them for the laymen). And this week we are learning to put an NG tube (nasogastral tube fyi). Yep that's right I am learning how to stick a long piece of tubing up someone's nose, down their throat and into their stomach (making very sure to get the stomach and not the lungs). Leading up to each Monday we watch tons of videos on each procedure. I watch these wondering how much they have to pay someone to be taped getting an enema or a catheter. At this stage we are still practicing on Manikins, but I can't believe that I will eventually actually be doing this on a person in as few as six weeks from now. After all those times people have told you not to stick stuff up your nose . . .

So if anyone wants to be a guinea pig let me know . . . just kidding . . . I think they let us graduate right from the manikins right onto the patients in the hospital. I am however, looking for as many people as possible to practice heart rates and blood pressures.

The First Tank

So this week, the second week I had a moment of crisis . . . or a few rolling moments of crisis. The fatigue of running all over the place constantly, not being able to keep up the housework became really overwhelming. It had nothing to do with the academic work or anything like that, just the taking care of ordinary business in the middle of un-ordinary life. Comforting though to know that I will soon feel that this is ordinary life.

The true blessing was in the comfort of community. Today I was feeling totally better since having great encouraging conversations with Janet, Joyce and Jessie (that's right people, most of my best friends have names that start with J). And then after my long day of classes I went right to the pool to watch the kids swim lessons and relieve Jessie. By time we got home it was dark, snowing and I had an hour to get ready to go out with the girls. In the car Cayden asked me if I had seen my surprise. I told him I had not and where was it. All he said was "at home". To my amazment . . . when I arrived home the three above mentioned friends had cleaned my home from top to bottome (yes, people that is 2000 sq. ft of hardwood floors:). I crumpled into a bunch of tears knowing I am indeed going to make it through these years with such an amazing community around me.

And to top the evening off, I went with a bunch of girlfriends for an intimate dinner at Jessica's house to be with our friend Roberta. It was an awesome evening of sweet harvesty soup, wine, fine cheeses and chocolates! And to top it off wonderful conversation and refocusing of my heart and soul. I came home at 1am inspired and sure I can conquer the next week. What a gift of amazing women in my life.

Awesome Birthing Documentary

This weekend I slipped away from the hubby, the kids and the studies to go inspire my further studies by watching a prescreening of "The Business of Being Born" in Chicago. It was really presented as a discovery of this whole other world to medical birthing options, and yet it did point out the times when medical attention in birth is necessary. I would highly recommend you see this. Here's the website to get more info http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/ For those Chicagoans there is rumored that this will be showing at The Music Box sometime in February. For me it was yet another boost in knowing I am heading down the right track.

Getting down and dirty . . .

Well the 15month decline into nursing, nursing, and more nursing has begun as 43 of us showed up for duty on Monday at the UIC College of Nursing. This is an accelerated program of very distinguished scholars from all over . . . all eager to start their first day of meeting the manikins, bedpans, foley catheters and bathing techniques of everyday hospital hygiene. It was a grueling week, starting of with many technical glitches on Blackboard (for those of my friends unversed in modern education, Blackboard is the technological, communication hub of every class now . . . yet another cost to you to print out handouts that they post of the web -- I think I may have already worked through 3/4 of a ream of paper) and ending with two days of 7hours of lectures. Our class gathers after hours on a Google groups where the fine points of the days are worked out together, like did anyone understand what that syllabus said, or does anyone yet understand what we are supposed to be doing for this 8credit hour class? And some of the more mundane questions . . . which are the best all white shoes to buy for clinicals . . . and an all time favorite what bar should we hit after Friday class. But mostly this week it was about survival and the hope that if we get this far in we can go the distance. It was a week of much doubt and confusion, but also spotted with moments of how friends and family will develop out of this thrown together community of sorts and how we may one day not have to fake that we know what they talking about . . . we actually will feel more a part of the powerful heritage of nursing.

Birthing of a Midwife

Today in the midst of the first week of class we were asked to share when the moment we decided to become a nurse was. For many this was a journey of sorts, for me I can remember everything about that moment. It was a middle of the night conversation with my hubby about where life was headed and what I wanted to do in life. Our son was turn 3 and our daughter 1, and I was beginning to be ready take on the real world again. Then he asked the typical “what if there were no barriers” question (I’ve been life coaching for five years you would think I would have thought of that one on my own). And the first thing that popped in my head was I would be a midwife. It was there in our first salt-box home in Rhode Island that I embarked on this journey into midwifery.

Of course, I took it relatively slow researching and deciding to take the Nurse Midwifery track instead of the Direct Entry point, mostly from the standpoint of wanting to provide more opportunities to educate others on the ideas of healthy, natural birthing to be exposed to some of those principle and to be able to educate from partially within the system rather than from across the street. So I began by taking a introduction to nursing class at a local community college in RI. From there I applied to two graduate entry programs, and due to prerequisites had to wait a year. During that time I figured out that I was not as bad a science student as I had once lead myself to believe and I became more confident in my abilities to handle it academically.

I then applied and was accepted to UIC a second time and was very excited. Throughout this time I became trained as a DONA certified doula and had several birthing experiences, and it continued to affirm my decision.

I know that in many ways the next fifteen months of become an RN is merely the on-ramp to my areas of passion. But am totally on board for being right where I am and learning and growing through this process. And I am looking forward to the actual Midwifery aspect of it going forward, but I am also excited to learn all sorts of tricks of the trade and prepare myself for the future.

I am also doing this with the load of a young family and that has posed many a stressor. But each new open door has also provided just the right people, care and loving for my kids and I will have to trust that to be provided throughout this journey, because they really are the most important investment of my life.

I want this to be a clarifying time and I want to see more of myself unlocked and revealed. I believe that there are so many skills, talents and gifts that are going to only be sharpen and honed by my new learning and I am waiting to see the merging of who I have been and who I am becoming. It will be challenging and exhausting, but I will forage ahead.