Celebrating the Big 10

On May 30th at 11:30am Paul and I celebrated our 10 years of marriage together, by traveling to Western PA so I could sing at a friend's wedding. Nothing like a new marriage to celebrate 10 years. My friend Kate's mother was so sweet and they celebrated us at the rehearsal dinner. It was so sweet. It was a fun weekend in the county. We got to experience one of Frank Lloyd Wrights masterpieces -- Fallingwaters. And we stayed in a lovely B&B.

Interesting Article

This was an interesting article I came across today about a woman being turned down for insurance for having a previous Cesarean and the insurance company siting this puts her in a higher risk catagory for various health related issues going forward. More and more it is apparent that we are headed back for more natural birth processes as we figure out that these interventions are costing us lots of money, and obviously are major surgery that have re- precautions for other health issues going forward.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/01/health/01insure.html?_r=1&ref=health&oref=slogin

Exciting Moments on the Road

I know I have been lying dormant forever, maybe I am really not a blogger . . . but of course that is what happens when you have a "theme" for your blog and yet you are not always participating in that theme . . . but this week I am happy to report that my soul has been awakened by: talk of contraceptives -- educating and inserting them! Seeing many a cervix, measuring pregnant bellies and becoming an expert measurer of fundal height (all you pregnant friends watch out whenever I get a measuring tape in my hands) and watching the mothers eyes light up when my newbie hands chase a 6monther around with the doppler. Of course the light may have light up since I seemed to be having such trouble finding their poor babies heartbeats, but of the power of holding the doppler. I have also learned some important facts . . . such as I will definitely have to learn Spanish (and quite possibly birthing and women's health lingo in several other languages as well).
I will actually have to relearn my cell biology, since I actually looked at a specimen under the microscope today to determine what was causing a woman's issues . . . I had no idea those skills would be used as a midwife!
But mostly, I am happy to report I am just as excited about all of these things. And this was mostly a surprise gift. I am currently in a community health rotation, which basically means we get a variety of experiences out in the field and out of the hospital. So I was placed at the Uptown Health Clinic, which is run by the public health department. It services many of the low income populations in that area of town. And they have two midwifery groups that send one midwife a day to staff their women's health clinic. It was such a privilage to be taught and endured by these wonderful women and to watch as they serve, teach and nurse those around them. It was a wonderful two days and I am sure it will have to last me for a while. But again I am excited by every moment I get to remind me of where I am headed.

Revived

It is hard to reflect on birthing into my midwifery career, whilst in the middle of not really being around birth at all these days. But I did survive my first semester of Nursing School and I have had the last week and a half off. Tomorrow marks the return to the next phase . . . summer semester. We have heard that each one becomes increasingly easier. So I hope this is the case, however it seems like it would be hard to believe since the weather has taken a long time to finally get good and I will spend most of the summer in the confines of a hospital.

We are also in the throws of our decision to move to the suburbs for this next phase of life, and caught up in buying and selling homes. So far we have a contingency offer on a semi-fixer house, and are waiting for our condo to sell. So for right now I am birthing things other than babies and birthing new life in our little transition. And potentially for the second time taking on the birthing of a house . . . another favorite kind of birthing.

Caught Up In The Last Days

Yes, I am aware that many of you check in here to see how I am doing and right now I am hanging on by a thread. I am a week and half away from being finished with the first semester of this journey. I mostly can't believe I have made it. This week I had a great clinical week. I took care of a 31 year old woman that had a stroke hours after she found out she was pregnant with her second child. Very sad! However, she is doing "relatively" well and they were working on getting her to a place where she can go to rehab. She really responded to me and that was exciting. Her mother who was there the majority of the time, told me she thought I wast he "real deal" not a student nurse. That was a good feeling, knowing I can pull off the whole gig confidently enough, and the truth is that I am getting more competent and confident in doing all the things nurses do.

So although I am learning a lot I am looking forward to getting through this summer and getting on to the baby's and moms that I am looking forward to working with. It will come and I am settling into the fact that this is a long journey ahead of me and I am trying to figure out a way to enjoy the journey and not be so focused on the end results. Because I have this feeling it's going to be a while before I arrive!

The Downside of Caring

Moment after moment this week, I felt myself assuming the identity of a nurse. Two early morning train rides before the bustle of the morning commute. It is a completely different world filled with other types of shift workers riding alongside me, often dressed very specifically for their jobs. Wearing my scrubs, filling all those big pockets with the gear for the day. And experiencing my day unfolding as I watch people move through the agony of their various diseases and complications – sharing a few of those moments with them, but fully aware that I am a champion and supporter, but really they must continue to do the hard work of living. I am merely a quiet observer as they live out this life they live.
I have felt this feeling of hopelessness often as a parent . . . knowing that I cannot and will not always be present when the teasing on the playground is occurring, when feelings are hurt, when they have climbed to far and they are just out of reach as they fall. It is this same feeling that I felt often at the hospital. People can only live for themselves. I can augment it, I can be there when I can, and I can try to make them comfortable, and I can use my knowledge to help solve problems. But the limiting reality is that I cannot be them! I am one of those people who has muttered the words, “why couldn’t this be me? I could handle this. I could make it through.” I guess this is what makes me a fighter. The will to get through whatever faces me, however I don’t recommend it for others, so much so I would rather take their place. Why? Because it is hard. Although my gut reaction is to want to take everything over, I must remember that really the journey through many of the trials are often the richest experiences of life. This week I was faced with the reality of having to let my patients, who I am caring for, live in the middle of what they have going on. Not to deny them this journey through illness. I have a role, in my new identity, that has the ability (should I choose to use it) to honor them by helping, relieving, comforting them through the journey. In a medical environment, where fixing things is often the desired outcome, I must remember the power of the journey. As a nurse I have a special ability to be with people along the journey, walking through the struggles and the successes, through the brokenness and the healing.
My struggle this week has been finding the balance of caring and alleviating problems with helping honor the role that sickness has in life and the natural progression of age and the slow decline of our bodies (and fast decline in the case of some of our patients). How do I honor these processes without submitting to their grim power?

The Daily Uniform

So for a South African girl who grew up wearing a uniform to school it is actually quite refreshing to wake up and know right away what one is going to wear. And truth be told since I have to put this on at 5am to make the train it's great to cut down on early morning decision making. And scrubs really are comfortable and I can understand why people wear them all the time and advocate for them to become real clothes. Of course, the white leather shoes on the other hand . . . those could go as far as I am concerned . . . but my dear friend Joyce has promised she will make sure that I never feel it is "ok" to wear them anywhere else besides the hospital!